Ok I am not even sure people read this damn thing anymore but I feel the need to type so I guess I will type here. First off things aren't really going the way I want them in life. I had a really bad scare with my father and it was very nerve racking! He was sent to the hospital because his body was dangerously retaining water and it was pooling around his heart and lungs. So he's been in the hospital for almost a month now. Then there was the drama that happened when we went to go see him....He's in Joplin MO. So we had to drive a long while to get there and since all 5 of us went we had to rent a van. Saturday will be our 3rd visit. When the medivaced him they had to put him on a ventalator and so he had that in for a while. Then they took that out and put in a trache. He coughed both up and since the trache was put in via surgory they had to put him back into the ER to put it back in but the DR. said he is doing a lot better now. And they say that he might be able to go home soon. If he continues to do well. Which I don't think that will be a problem. They are thinking about putting him in his own room soon. But all the bull shit that went on the last time I am glad my aunt is no longer there because she was acting all power hungry! And it drove people insane. But needless to say I am just really happy that he is doing so much better.
But in other news I am back to being a lone again...Well wait what am I saying? I have been alone for the past 2 years...I feel as though it's going to be permanant but people keep telling me that I am just being rediculous for thinking that...And I am really getting tired of hearing that..I have come to the terrorfying fact that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life so I am going to stop saying that I have realized it so people will stop telling me I am be rediculous. I am pathetic in a way because there is this guy that I have liked for the past 3 years and I know he will never go out with me but I keep putting myself in the position to get angry when I get jealous because some other girl is hanging all over here. I really just need to face the fact that he and no one else will ever want me! As painful as it is I have to face that reality! I hardly have any friends and that is something else I need to realize will never change. I have very few and I guess that's all I deserve.....Speaking of deserving I feel like somehow I am being punished for doing something I have no clue what...That I am being punished so I will never find love...Hell if I know...I am really getting tired of people saying that I have to love myself first also...Because what the fuck do I have to do marry myself then wait and see if a guy comes along? I like myself just the way I am and I don't see what else I can do to change that. I don't know how else to love myself. I have confindence I just don't know what the hell to do with it...It still won't matter I'll still be alone....Forever and always I guess....*sigh* I really don't know what else to say really I guess I am just "sitting on my pitty potty" as my mother would put it I suppose....I guess in the sum of things I could just say my life sucks...And there is nothing I can do about it...Well I guess I am done now...I have nothing else to complain about cept my life and well I've done that now...So G'Bye
~Raven~
1 comment:
Okay Raven, you are probably not going to like some of the things that I am about to say, but sometimes you have to hear things you don't wanna hear. If you are not happy with where you are at in life, then do something about it instead of sitting around and bitching about it. How is sitting around bitching about it gonna do you any good? Get out of the of your apartment and be social, find friends outside of Breakthrough. You gotta find friends, they are not gonna find you. And when you sit around and mope about how your life sucks and having no self-esteem. That is a MAJOR TURN OFF to guys. Lots of guys want girls who are confident and have self respect. And I hate to burst your bubble, but you and Daniel are probably never going to be. If I am correct, most guys his age are more into partying and what not. So get out of your appartment and get a social life. You gotta go you there and find it, it wont find you.
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