I hate my life

I am really hating my life right now. I wish I had more friends. The ones I have seem to only be my friends at breakthrough. No one wants to hang out with me out side breakthrough. And what is the point of having a brother if he hardly ever wants to hang out with me? I have two friends with cars and they never want to hang out with me. And the other two don't have cars. One only wants me to go to her house cause she has a kid and can't do much more. One just doesn't want to hang out with me at all it seems. I go to my parent's house only on the weekends it feels and they are always too tired or don't want to go anywhere. Three of my four friends tell me we should all hang out and it never happens. The normal 22 year old is out having fun and parting on a friday night and as usual I am always stuck at home staring at my walls or the tv. I am 22 years old and I have never been to a party. I have only been to a club once and it sucked cause all I did was sit and watch the people I was with have fun dancing and I couldn't even drink at the time. I have never been to a bar and I just think my life sucks because I drank more and had more fun before I turned 21. I know that drinking isn't everything but having fun once in a while would be nice. When I do get to hang out with my brothers it always makes me feel like I'm a burden cause then they have to drive me almost across town just to take me home. I wish I could just get a job and work all the time since I clearly don't have time to do anything else. But I am either too stupid or too lazy to get a job and keep it. No one wants to hire me cause I don't have either transportation or enough experience. I hate the fact that I can only do stuff during the day and even then I don't want to do anything cause I am tired of doing things on my own. My mom thinks I need to go back to theripy because I'm always feeling sorry for myself. Well it won't work and I know it because when I went before it never worked. What is benificial about sitting on a couch letting someone else listen to my problems? I mean the advice they give isn't always helpful. And I am sick and tired of my mom telling me I am just feeling sorry for myself when I am just depressed! And there is no way I am going back on anti-depressants because they just made almost zombie like and I hated it cause you never get to feel anything. Except false happiness. Which isn't all that healthy. I have been alone for 2 years now and I am really starting to feel that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life because no one wants to have anything to do with me. I just don't know what is wrong with me. People keep telling me that I am pretty and that I will meet someone but I know that is all just bullshit. I look at myself in the mirror and all I see is a fat ugly bitch staring back. I can't seem to do anything to change it. I will never loose weight because excersize doesn't help. Eating healthy doesn't help and even if I were to loose weight I would still have really big hands and feet and really broad shoulders. Then I will just look even more stupid. And no one will help me. I want the gastric bypass surgeory but I doubt that will ever happen. People tell me I am intimidating because I'm taller than most girls and I hate it. I just want to be normal whatever normal is. I'm tired of being alone!