My life sucks!

I wish that I could go and hang out with people that are supposedly my friends. But no instead I always have to fucking be stuck in this prison I call my apartment. I know I go out and do things with breakthrough but that's not really going out and hanging out. I just got a phone call from some people I thought were my friends and they were all at another friends house hanging out and getting drunk. I hate that I have only had like 5 or 6 beers since I turned 21 I thought that when you become 21 you can drink anytime you wanted to. I drank more before I turned 21 and I feel like that is bullshit. It seems to me that I had a lot more fun before I turned 21 like I'm no good anymore or some shit like that. I really hate my life right now. I can't do shit because I don't have a car and I can't afford one. I feel like I will never have any time to hang out with people or people don't want to hang out with me because I don't have a car which means I can't take myself anywhere I am really getting sick and tired of having to rely on my mom or my step mom if I want to go anywhere and I am sure as hell sick and fucking tired of always having to ride the bus like some stupid poor person. I hate the way my life has turned out. I think I see more of my four walls than anyone does and I hate it! I guess I just don't have a life. Nothing interesting ever happens in my life. I cry too damn much and when I complain to my mom about how fucking bored I am she just tells me to go and put myself out there and try to make friends. Well I can't do it. I have been hurt so many times in the past and I really don't want to go and put myself out there and get hurt or used. I just wish that my life amounted to something more than a fucking lazy slum sitting on the couch every night. I just wish that somehow if I can't find anything to do with anyone maybe I should find something to occupy myself with I guess. Maybe find a job at night so I don't have to deal with the world during the day. As it is my sleeping schedule is never right and I'm always up late at night trying to find something do to because I have nothing better to do. And I can't sleep. I am on the computer almost every night so I feel like I have done everything I can think of online. So I have no fucking clue. Sitting or rather laying for me in front of the computer playing games is getting rather old and there is nothing I can do about it cause I never have anything better to do. And I hate it when people I think are my friends call me in the middle of the night and they are having way more fun than I am. Daniel told me he was going to a strip club tonight and I told him that I wish I could go but when I have money no one else does so they can't go I really would like to get to experience going to a fucking strip club just so I could say I've been to one but I really don't see that happening anytime soon. I guess I just wish that I could be doing things other people my age are doing but instead I am locked away in my apartment cause I have no means of doing those things. I have been 21 for almost a year now I'll be 22 in July and still I have not been to a bar. I haven't gone out and hung out with anyone drinking a few beers. I just really fucking hate how boring my life is I guess. But whatever I know it will never change. Just like I know that I will never get married or have kids but that I have already come to terms with. So whatever I guess G'Nite if I can get to sleep. Until the next time I post about my shitty life G'Bye