So far since the last time.

Well things have been going ok since the last time I blogged I guess. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and it didn't go as well as I had planed. I just wanted to go in and get my deporovera shot and they wanted to do a full exam on me and I just really wasn't prepared for that so I talked my way out of it after being in the exam room for about an hour. It sucks when you are so used to going to your regular doctor then you find out that you can't go to that doctor anymore because of your stupid insurance. So I have to schedule an exam for sometime in February when I get my next shot. I started crying in the exam room when the doctor wasn't in there because I just hate change. It's wrong to a certain exstent but sometimes it could be for the best and I do know that. So hopefully I will be better prepared for the next appointment I just hope that I don't have to go there between now and then. It's scary to be in a place that I'd never gone to before and having to meet new people that I've never met before and I have to trust that with my life in their hands they will know what to do is something bad happens. I just hope that they can get my entire medical records from my old doctor and know what I've delt with in the past. But enough about that.

My brother came back on Monday night and last night was the first time I'd seen him since he returned home. It was really great to see him because I'd missed him. And he told me that even though his family had taken him out to eat the entire time that he was there he was suprised to find out that he had actually lost a few pounds. He says it's because he wasn't drinking tea like he was before he left. But if you drink tea it makes you pee so I don't understand how not drinking it makes you loose weight. But that's what he said caused him to loose the weight. Hm maybe I should drink a lot of tea and then stop for about a month and see if his weird method works. Lol

Anyways I've been a bit depressed and I think it's because I've been steadily growing lonelier over the past 2 years. Or maybe it's because I went to the doctor yesterday and saw all these pregnant women and women with babies it made me sad because I want so bad to be able to give my mom a grandchild and at the rate that things are going in my life it doesn't look like I'll be able to do that for her. And I don't think my brother's can do that unless they adopt. I am just so worried that she's going to get old and never have the pleasure of having grandchildren. I don't know and I think my grandparents would love to have a great grandchild. But I don't know. And I was talking to a friend about how I am lonely and he kept saying I should love myself before anyone else can love me. But it's kind of impossible to love myself when I am very unhappy with the way I look. My boobs are uneven to the max like I have one D and one C cup size and it drives me nuts. My mom actually suggested today that I buy a bra in both sizes and cut them in half and make a custom bra. I was like that would be even more noticable after I did that then now. I would probably look stupid and feel foulish. Plus I would only be able to get one bra out of doing that. I just wish I could get plastic surgery to make them even. And I would have no problem with them just fixing the C so I could have somewhat even D's. Another thing that is upsetting me is my body. No matter how much I try exercising and dieting it doesn't work. And then I get upset when I actually gain weight. It sucks having a body I can't control.

Well nothing else has really gone on so I guess I should try to go to bed now. Neko is already there waiting for me. So G'Nite or should I say G'Morning because it's 3am. At any rate G'Bye.

A bit of my life.

I just started on this new site that my step mom is apart of and that would be Blogger.com. I just got a new computer from her today and I am loving how it is so much faster than my old piece of junk. I was happy when I was told I could get this one and would be able to shove the other one under my bed where it belongs. Ok I really think it belongs in the dumpster but I couldn't do the that because it isn't really mine. It's my mom's from when she worked at Consumer Credit Counseling. So I couldn't take a hammer to it like I wish I could have. I had that computer for almost two years and it was driving me nuts with how slow it was. I guess that would have something to do with the fact that it looked like it came out of the 20th century. Lol Well I guess it had. It had the operating system 2000 and it sucked. I would go to other places and be over joyed with XP and I wished that I could have it. And so I was very happy when I found out that I could buy this one from my Step mom. I am very happy to not be left in the past when it came to technology if you get what I'm saying.

My Brother-in-law is out of town right now visiting his parents and I am sure that my brother misses him more than I do but I truely miss him too. I miss having his well mannored and nicely pressed self around laughing and being serious and goofy at the same time. He will come home on Monday and I hope I will get to give him a big hug when he gets back. After my brother of course.

I am happy that my brother, mom and I are going to see our own family Sunday. My step mom is just going to be there to drive since I clearly can't take that position away from her. She always has to drive when we are all going on a long trip. I guess she thinks it safer that way.. She does get a bit crazy goofy sometimes..Er I mean everytime we go. She is just goofy that way. Not to mention she is there because she is part of our family and she enjoys spending time with my weird aunt. And when I say weird I mean it with the most respect. She has always been the weird loving aunt and I think that's why we love her so much. I'm hoping that my brother and I will get to see our father and hopefully our grandparents as well. I do miss everyone very much.

On a different note Thanksgiving is coming up and my step mom's parents will be coming out to enjoy the food with us because aparently by my granpa's own words "Good god sis all you do when we come is feed us." I don't mean that in any bad way I just think it's funny. And I love my grandparents.

But the holiday I like second best is also coming up (Halloween would be the first if anyone didn't already know..Lol) Christmas. A time of good cheer and laughter...Oh and wait did I forget to mention the presents? I love getting presents and I don't mind having to buy them too for other people...I am just really stumped when it comes to my brother and what he wants even thought I know what he wants. Weird I know...I am weird. We drew names this year because things are going to be tight and might be tighter if mom doesn't get the assistance she needs from the state. I just hope everything works out.

Now for something completely unrelated. I have a 4 month old kitten and she is growing up quick. She's getting fat and happy. I love her to death. Her name is Neko. (For mom if you are reading this it's not Niko!) Neko is just the cutiest little fur ball I have ever seen..She is the cutiest out of all the others in my parent's backyard and I am happy that my mom snatched her up and not the yellow one...Lol She is sleeping on my bed right now. Well either that or she is watching me. She is very feisty and loving. But there is one thing that worries me about her. When she sleeps next to me or like right now I can hear her wheezing. I just hope that she isn't sick or anything. I wouldn't want to loose her or anything I think that I would be just plain lost without her after loving her for 3 months.

Well anyway that's all that has been going on pretty much. I don't really know what else to say and probably should be heading to bed..Or rather standing up and sliding into bed..Lol